Wide-eyed and aware I have brought my traveled body back to these places I call home. My traveling gaze doesn’t recognize them as homes, but places I love the familiarity of.

There’s a wariness about me. It becomes expectation if I let it linger. There’s nothing like feeling unfamiliar in a familiar place. I wonder at the speed of speech as it comes at me, often more loudly than I expect. I am deciphering my mother tongue again.

It hits me like this: I have been speaking English in many countries. I have learned as many “thank you”s. These are simple, human speech. Now again I must learn the nuance of the English that’s spoken at home.

I hate it. I want straightforward words and considered statements. I see one person troubleshooting a situation and wanting to save another from discomfort by making a decision for them. I see liars hiding behind these excuses, in plain sight so you can’t really tell them apart from the people whose “heart is in the right place”.

My eyes have been wandering all these months and so, they wander still. They will not focus in conversation; I’m just listening. Must my eyes stay still upon a person? Some insist. I can feel an urgency of speech, as if so important. Everyone talks over each other, including me.

I noticed today that I stopped looking with my traveler eyes. I’d automatically honed in on thoughts and missed a few minutes of outdoors. I don’t know how long. I was jerked into a better form of consciousness by a glorious tree just flourishing just above a sidewalk, its petals decorating the concrete, boughs heavy in bloom. She startled me, this buxom bush. I readjusted and saw the world again from then on. Just in time to see my best friend.

This will happen more and more–can I check myself so often? Can I automatically recall being a part of the world? As I linger here, my traveling eyes will not. I may stay wary awhile, but when my guard slips away I too will believe in our fervent talking over of each other. I will think my mundanities important. I will forget the real world.