What if

just if we stretch our brains and hearts for a thought exercise

What if “woke” didn’t have to equal “constantly angry”?

I know. I know they go hand in hand. We are fucking furious, enraged, ablaze with the righteous indignation of those who’ve suffered injustices. I know I am. Suffering creates rage, doesn’t it? Injustice ignites fury.

Doesn’t it?

You hear about prisoners who are ultimately found not guilty for sentences already served. They are calm, these men, mostly black, in the face of the injustices forced upon them. They say it’s because there is no room for anger in their lives. That anger eats the men themselves, not the monster who caused it. They will say that, and you can hear and read it, again and again.

Reading about slaves all over the world produces similar findings: there is singing over frustration, a clinging to life rather than smoldering in hate, natural salves for physical wounds, careful care of bodies and hearts, as much as humanly possible in conditions of chattel rather than human beings.

Y’all, I’m furious. I’m angry daily, full of hate for all white men, and ready to snap on anyone who fucks with me. There is something delicious about this unhindered, self-righteous hostility, yet I do not enjoy the person I’ve become. What if I could stay fierce, keep that fire lit, without hatred?

This is just an idea, brought about by conversations both with privileged, patient resistors, and human nails living under the hammer of prejudice. It seems to me that privilege isn’t what brings about a sense of calm; it’s self-preservation.

In that effort, I will be endeavoring to avoid engaging in rage. I will try to breathe instead with continued gratitude for my life and loves, my privileges and perks. I will continue to speak clearly about injustice, perhaps even more clearly now, absent anger. Perhaps I will be heard a little more readily this way, alienating fewer and bringing more in.

I know many of my sisters cannot make space for this. I understand it as my role in the revolution: to recruit.

What if we could wake everyone up, and in knowing the truth they could join in our fight with new energy? What if we woke up ready for battle, instead of run down by the fire inside? What if our bodies could be the tools of the revolution, rather than our souls?