Extroverts should maybe listen to live albums on headphones with their eyes closed during isolation. i miss crowds.

This is an opportunity to get better at so many things, in particular: listening. The internet has lag time, phone calls are weird. We have to wait more patiently to hear whether someone’s thought has finished. No discernible body language means we have to get better at paying attention and giving people time to say their piece. (Also: emojis.) My students are already adapting so well to each other over video chat. i know a lot of millennials with aversions to phone talks, i think precisely because it has this curve. Now we learn.

There is wayyy too much time to examine my shit and i need a therapist. (i had finally met my new PCP and put therapy calls in just before this happened.) Thank fuck for the Fetlife community, who in particular understand my need for physical pain at this time, and my smattering of amazing friendships strung around the world, all of whom have something in common besides being loves of mine: courage.

i’m fundamentally jealous of people who have touchable playmates at home. i have been hugged exactly once in three weeks. This has nothing to do with getting laid, just touch. How do humans live like this? i am hella not interested, honestly.

We need a groundhog emoji for these weirdly dull, tense days.

i personally see so little potential in my life without encountering new places and people on a regular basis. i don’t actually have any clue about how to be happy otherwise. i search now for something clear to look forward to. i know half the world’s population, at least, is doing the same. This is not as reassuring as i’d like it to be.

i hope so hard that there’s an anarchist writing about our future by now. Economic depression is on the table and therefore so is a leveling out of the playing field. There is a long darkness before the light in this situation, months at least. It took too long for us to take the whole thing seriously, and then to realize that we have to adjust for the long term. This week it feels like that’s finally sinking in. Are we ready for the fact that this is going to get much worse? Only after that can we start hoping for better. Maybe. Where is the anarchist who’s writing from ahead of the game? What happens when capitalism collapses?

i’ve never wanted a dog more.