Everyone is saying the same thing when you get them on the phone: “I’m okay! I have food and shelter and toilet paper and some money for now.” Maybe they will be lucky enough to still have a job, not know anyone who’s sick, genuinely enjoy the person/people they’re stuck with (i have all three thus far, miraculously, gratefully).

Then they will hesitate. They will reiterate that they are okay not defensively, but clearly trying to convince themselves. They will laugh and say, “but that’s everyone right?” as if that makes it suck less. Often then they will admit it, “I’m a little bit not okay, I guess”.

Honestly if anyone was genuinely feeling okay right now my first question would be about their sanity in general. i’ll have what they’re having, if y’know what i mean.

If you are not okay, congratulations! You’re a regular degular human on an epic historic journey with all the several billion rest of us.

It is reasonable and sane to not be okay. Sure, there are silver linings and beautiful moments. There always are. But we just got our world flipped upside down and we don’t have any idea what the future looks like, collectively or as individuals.

How about some science? Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs includes two—out of five—human needs that are deeply threatened if not fully removed by the effects of COVID19. These are: a sense of social belonging and acceptance, and esteem gained by achievement. Isolation is wearing at the former of these pretty brutally, while the latter was totally ripped from those who’ve lost their jobs. You shouldn’t feel okay about these losses. They are real.

If you feel like you are trying to maintain sanity most hours of the day, you are probably doing it right. Your empathy, sympathy, fear response, adrenal glands… everything is in working order.

It is okay to not be okay. There are multiple billions of other humans just out of reach and feeling exactly the same way. These are the days to (virtually) lean on your loved ones. They need you as much as you need them. Think of it like Bubba and Forrest—a mutual lean. Because nobody should have to sleep with their head in the mud. Call your loved ones and let them know: i’m not okay—you’re not okay. But we might be okay, together.