i am an empath, erstwhile pescatarian, and a person who tries to make friends with literally every animal with whom i have the opportunity to spend a minute. i don’t kill bugs if i can help it, much less anything else. When i think about taking life, i genuinely feel most comfortable picturing myself murdering troublesome white men. i’d rather let a bird live.

Buying local is proven, time and again, to be the most beneficial way—to community, animals, plants, local ecology and economy, it goes on—of enjoying food. Commercial food is the enemy here, not omnivores or vegans. Commercial vegetables are just as detrimental to the environment as meats, and much more harmful, in production, to humans.

So here i am, on a small (all meat) farm with a bunch of animals who will be gone in a month or two. i am significantly less sad about their deaths because i get to see how they live. i am going to learn to process them, and i am going to be happy to do so. Even though i haven’t really raised them, i still feel proud that they are well-cared for and destined to be appreciated for their deliciousness.

i have recently discovered in myself a sense of ethical responsibility to learn exactly how these animals live and die. i take their eggs and watch them get broody. i feed them apples and watch them argue. i bring them food and watch them get excited. Pretty soon, i will help kill and butcher them. The farmer calls this “harvesting” when he doesn’t want to offend.

i prefer to call it slaughter. If we are to be animals, why should we pretend this is anything but animalistic? i am sure i will cry, probably a lot. But i want to know exactly where my meat comes from. Chicken and pork are my favorites! How can i continue to consume them without learning what their existence is really like like? Can i continue to consume them once i understand?

Here is where the door opens for hunters. The argument for hunting goes along these lines: we use everything we kill, and we know more about these animals, and the land they’re on, than anyone.

(i don’t know if i’ve found more weed scraps or bullet casings while cleaning this farmhouse.)

i appreciate the argument. i agree that knowing a thing inside and out creates a natural reverence, and i think that a lot of hunters have tethered their souls to the earth in ways most of us will not understand. i read and watch Steven Rinella now. (If you don’t know this dude, he’s a friend of Joe Rogan, which could be enough said, except this guy is reasonably palatable. He stays in his hunting lane and literally discusses nothing else.) It’s not at all necessary reading and viewing, but i am Fascinated.

i don’t really have an opinion on hunting and i think that is okay. i am learning a lot, and voraciously. What i can say, with some surprise, is that i’m looking forward to the slaughter. This meeting with the gods, if not enjoyed, will at least be treasured. Though this attitude has surprised some friends, i am the same curious creature you’ve always loved: any new experience, any opportunity to learn—gimme.