First and foremost, I will not use this hashtag outside this post for many reasons. I refuse to encroach on the space of courgawgeous (okay, auto correct did that to “courageous”–I use “gawgeous” a lot–but I’m keeping it) people who regularly fight and are winning against institutionalized body norms. I am using the hashtag now because you should look for the real #bopo heroes and read their words, but I understand that as a white-passing, able-bodied, small, cis-gendered woman I am simply an ally. (Don’t ask me what “BoPo” means. Go find it. Maybe after you read the rest of this.)

That is not to say that I don’t fight. The first picture below–the quotation, and it’s beautiful vehicle–hit me right where it counts today. I’ve been having a lot of conversations recently regarding personal scope. Biggest, simplest example is the kind of insulated, majority culture that might lead an otherwise well-meaning–and usually white–person to say “I don’t date [a certain race of] people.” This painful illustration of ignorance is somewhat arguably innocent. So too, with the good (cis) man’s perspective on women.

When I say “somewhat arguably innocent” what I really mean is “presumed innocent by otherwise well-meaning–and usually white–people”. We often don’t take the time to dissect how actually destructive these things can be when we are safe from that destruction, even if we otherwise ally or belong to marginalized groups. Part of my mission in my 31st year is to focus on my ignorance, blinders, and yes, even complicity in the destructive forces of the white, able-bodied, heteronormative, cis-normative patriarchy. Admit the issue, dissect it, destroy it, and replace it with stronger humanity. I’m more aware now than ever that this will take a lifetime, mostly because my societally acceptable physical parts have shielded me so well. Excepting, perhaps, the whole “female” thing.

Among my most ignorant ideas, nestled behind the deepest, coziest of blinders is the insane compliance involved in prescribing to society’s definitions of womanhood and beauty. Holy shit.

Women (all y’all) friends, I do not need to espouse on any of the:

• critical nitpicking
• painstaking assessing
• mirror-loathing
• analyzing
• questioning
• doing, redoing
• shaming
• comparing
• obsessing
• researching
• fearing
• and all other attempts at control

of our precious bodies. And that’s just an abbreviated list of what we do to ourselves.

Men friends: I think you need to hear this. By no fault of your own–we do all we can to keep these things secret–you do not know how real (and truncated) this list is. How many lies your women friends have swallowed. How much fucking WORK we do. How much unlearning we’ve yet to do.

The second photo had me seething, then rueful. I know a good man who’s raising girls and posted that kind of quotation on his instagram. I didn’t know how to talk to him about it, so I pissed him off. We’re chill now but I would love to revisit this. I think I stand to learn a lot about representing my cause; it’s important that his girls know exactly how beautiful they are (the most, obviously) regardless of hair choices. I attached this photo not to put him on blast but to ask: is this a thing you do, too? Do you know why it’s no good? I am not asking to be patronizing. I believe there’s genuine discord here and I want to dissect it. I still shave some parts, so I understand preferences… about my own body. I think lots of people cis/trans/hetero/queer have preferences about the way a partner looks. It just seems painfully, cruelly similar to the above example of well-meaning racsim. Where’s the line here?

I can only speak for my own experiences, but I know for sure that when it comes to expectations of people who call themselves women, body stuff is just the tip of the iceberg.

If any of this writing or either of these photos leaves you with questions, I am available. I’m not a spokesperson by any means, but I am a woman on a mission. Let’s talk about ridding ourselves of the ignorance that has fostered a society whose politicians discuss wombs as if they were natural resources, how to be better gangs of girls aggressively supporting other girls, and how feminism is, literally, for everybody.

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Shoutout @lorelei.tyce whose instafeed has 12 more of these, all of which are hard-hitting.