What even constitutes crying? If it’s as simple as shedding a tear, i do it every day. It’s not always because i’m sad; sometimes i laugh when things aren’t funny, too.

Lately i feel exposed, a cut fruit with juice just waiting on the surface. A mess or a sweetness, often both. i have been enjoying the exposure, however vulnerable.

Today i went to church by accident. On a Sunday, even! i cried a lot in that holy place Chimayó, in a santuario to which there is an annual Easter pilgrimage from Santa Fe, nearly 30 miles away.

i always cry in sanctified places. Where ever humans gather to better themselves, really. i feel overwhelmed with possibility at any gathering like this. i can not help but cry for all the hope of the humans there joined together.

i am not used to this landscape with all of its sky. i find it difficult to judge distances. Somehow every moment of confusion will become a metaphor for life: what good is knowing the distance when i can enjoy right now?

There is something static about my current existence, but i can’t quite put my finger on it. Some days it feels as if i cannot exist without someone else noticing me, other days i just wonder at my basic lack of overall direction. None of this bothers me much.

i don’t mind going days without talking to other humans. i like to wave at other drivers whenever i’m off the main road. If i am out walking, i say hi to strangers who pass just close enough. i like to treat anyone who’s on the job as if they are already canonized for their sainthood.

i ran into a grey-haired woman near Bandelier Monument. We parked our cars at the same overlook and as i locked my doors she shouted, “Well you’re a long way from home!” She was traveling alone as well; we had a nice chat, in our masks, at a distance. There was a deep solidarity between us, and no need for more.

My home is right here, i could have told her, but i like to love up Maine anyway. i saw a person on a sidewalk stop dead and stare when they saw my license plate. It’s a badge of honor, to be this far from “home”.

But home is a feeling i need never be far from. i called my mom when she was with my brother, sister-in-law, and baby nephew. At first it was chaotic hearing everyone on speaker, but wow did the tears come then.