There are moments, whole hours probably, spent blind to anything but what is immediately in front of me. When it occurs to me that i have not planned for the future, or revisited times past, i will collide with reality in a momentary burst of madness. At those times i either laugh or cry, it’s all the same insanity.

What’s crazy is that i have any notion that planning even matters. Every plan gets pushed around. i like planning to have a good day. That usually works out and it’s a cute way to not care about getting lost or backtracking or whatever. Here i am though now, on the east side of Zion, with no plans for after i visit the park.

Well, i do have one plan: a longer resting spot in Northern California. There are quite a lot of unknown miles between here and there. And this is the extent to which i’ve planned my near-term future as well as my future, in the spooky sense of being far off but ever-possible (and definitely having to do with capitalism but i won’t go there). i am currently living exactly how i want to live. i know my plans for the future too, i just don’t know much about the road in between.

i just need to be witnessing the world, now. i am more than content when i can see so much right in front of me. i have been driving up and down narrow, steep, windy, cliffside, rock-threatened, upsettingly beautiful mountain and canyon roads all over five different states. i’ve grown to handle it, though i could always use more turn-outs.

i like to stop and gawk; the roads i choose are long and varied. i’ve really calmed down about wanting to see too far ahead.