(a journal from under the waning gibbous harvest moon)

The full moon peaked on my birthday but i was sick then, so i stayed indoors. Two days later i am glad to be well, posted up safely for the evening, maybe two. It has been a strange day.

Despite knowing what i had in store today, i went to bed very late last night in favor of cute TV time with Mama. i realized it had been worth it when my alarm went off at 6:40 and i was feeling good. Skeptical about the hour, i called the garage at 7 to confirm my appointment before driving the whole eight minutes, through the fifteen mph local school situation, to make it. Fifteen minutes later i was traveling right back home. Did you know you have a get your car inspected and registered annually? i was a couple months late, but i’m all set now.

For some reason it was about nine am when my bestie started texting me about alternate dimensions and neutrinos, which are definitely very related in a way that is mindblowing and also somehow upsetting. Just before trying to wrap my mind around that shit, i figured something else out and changed some plans. Particle physics was a cute distraction, what with its strange and charm. i now planned to leave around noon or one pm to visit a place i’d never been. By the time i had made a little eggy breakfast for Viv and myself, and packed as best i could, this window was closing. My drive was set to be between three and five hours depending on campsites. (More on that later.) i have recently, i suspect in the midst of letting the realization that nothing matters sink in, forgotten how to rush. i have been slower paced and mostly late with some consistency in this life, but now i am unable to panic or worry about it. Noticing the time i certainly paced up, but i wasn’t about to make haste.

After finally packing the car i purposefully, as if i was done, locked the door to the house behind me before i left. The car engine was running when i realized i forgot things. So i went back to the house, unlocked the door, got things, pulled the locked door shut behind me again. i did that twice. On the third closing of the locked door i finally pulled out of the driveway. About two hours of indie songs from 2012 into the ride my laughter at my inability to pack after all these many years was abruptly halted by the sudden realization that i must have left something important behind. i glanced around and was proven right immediately and painfully: my pillow and Edmund were conspicuously absent. i reasoned that i had extra blankets and clothes and even a pillow case. Although psychologically strange, these losses didn’t pose much of a problem for only two nights away. The tricky one came later.

Forty miles or more since i’d had any cell service, i pulled over at a gorgeous pond rest stop for a smoke and discovered that i did not have rolling papers. Oh no. This would not do. Missing the best parts of snuggling already (yeah, you read that right, try me), could i give up my bedtime ritual? Without my phone’s help i wouldn’t be able to find a shop, and i hadn’t seen anything promising in a long while. Brace yourself for my pride in an underwhelming feat because i am delighted to have really come far in my abilities to reason and reconcile situations as i travel. My maps app was analog, so i looked for bigger roads and intersections. The nearest hope i found was the confluence of four state routes. There would be cell service, or a place to buy papers, maybe both. i drove six miles out of the way from my destination, one way, before i found a Dollar General and pulled over. i still didn’t have service but maybe they sold papers? i parked the car and looked up to see that across the street against an old timey log-fitted building was posted a chartreuse and black sign reading “Smoke Shop”. i laughed out loud. A dollar ninety and a super awkward but cute conversation with the salesperson later, i rolled me a spliff and drove the six miles, which included construction so it was about twelve minutes one way, back to my route.

Twenty minutes after reconnecting, i missed a turn. i had another spot marked further ahead, but doubling back might still be faster. Both options were a gamble. i get my free campsite information from free apps which rely on free-user good will in the sharing of information. Anyone can post a camp spot as long as it passes basic qualifications. Some that don’t qualify get posted. You learn that all aspects of each entry are worth a critical eye and some weighing. Of course this gets easier with use. My main concern about either of these sites was the location and time of year. It’s the beginning of fall in northern, nowhere Maine, and life is beautiful. The weather is warm and mild, the wind is soothing, and the skies stay brilliant. The summer green trees sport a rosy kind of blush that looks exactly two days of autumn old. It’s also Thursday night, a night when free campsites are few. Each of my two contenders was said to be located, respectively, down a long but manageable dirt road, tended by the state, and right on the exquisite water of Moosehead Lake. Either would be a long drive, but the one behind me was just that much closer. All other things seeming equal, i turned around.

Trust, trust. i put my faith in my gut and watched the sun sink toward the horizon as i made the missed turn and drove three miles up and down a rocky dirt road that kept me below twenty mph toward what i hoped was my campsite. i was busy re-memorizing my return through the maze of logging roads when i finally passed a sign with rules, then pulled up to a tiny turn-around with a boat launch at twelve o’clock. The single lane circle was closely surrounded by five fire pits, each with parking and a picnic table, each of which as i drove around i saw in turn, with increasing urgency, was full. All until the last one. Its vacancy was understandable, but i loved it immediately.

The picnic table at this site sits at a jaunty angle and almost in the brush, and there is somehow not much space for any kind of rig or tent. It has scant–if any?–flat ground, and i had to maneuver expertly close to the fire pit in order to get the car nearly level. i have been planning to make a couple small leveling blocks for Sorcha for a while; this lit the fire for making that a priority. The sun was preparing its final act, dazzling over the ridiculous and stunning Moosehead Lake, when i finally rested as evenly as possible and settled in to watch the sky. i feel comfortable enough, though my neighbors are nearly unbearably close. Despite not wanting to hear, i’ve vaguely enjoyed some of their conversations. There’s also an impressively whiny puppy around. i like smelling the camp fires. It’s nine pm and all is quiet but for the occasional murmuring conversation of a couple sleepy humans.

The stars are brilliant. i must attend to them.